ennui go: December 2015

I’ve broken a lot of rules working on this project. They were rules I created for myself, so breaking them is either less terrible than breaking other rules or quite a lot more terrible. It's interesting to me how often we lie to ourselves. Self-deception is a hobby most people I know excel at. We love to paint a picture of ourselves at our best, yet we don't really work to be our best. Now, some of us do – I don't want to seem as though I have no hope, no appreciation – however, there are a lot of us lying to ourselves. We’ll quit the job someday. We will work out. This time, the New Year's resolution will stick. We’ll quit this or that – tomorrow.

I'd said, "I will blog daily, posting three pictures, attempting some semblance of poignant discourse. Self-reflection and insightful meanderings, paired with the reverence of the mundane – an observational humor and wit typically found elsewhere – maybe delivered via haiku or clever comedian." Well, I didn't say it like that, and I certainly haven't done that. I've been busy, to be sure, but I haven't taken the 10 minutes it would take to do this small thing.

I do feel like I fill up my days to the point of exhaustion. I'm also constantly in demand, whether that demand was self-initiated or not is another story. We had visitors last weekend and lover’s quarrels and chores to do and careers to maintain. It's easy to stay busy, and easy to forget such small things. I do believe that this small thing could be good. It's a scrapbook. It's a journal. It's a way to eulogize the impermanence of each day. It's a memorial to moments. It's personal and it's mine; it's not beholden to others. It's not likable. It's not comment-driven. I suppose someone could comment, but no one really knows this exists.

So, without further navel-gazing, I will post the necessary photos. I need to post more than three. I may not offer much in the form of commentary. I will say that I went to the final show at Secret Service, watched The Grow Fangs – I really love them – Ray is a hilarious, kind soul, I showed the space to my brother and to Charlie and Monique. I went to Paige’s friends for Thanksgiving, there were really great people there, Paige adores Sara's daughter, Daphne. I really love talking with Billy Noble. And I ate too many deviled eggs. I also grabbed the recipe.

We showed Jay the city, attending shows at the Jungle Theater and the Children's Theater– they were opposite ends of the spectrum as far as shows go. The Night Alive was dead on arrival. The Jungle Book was well-dressed and professionally playful. We took him to Gay 90s, and I was sick, so Paige was his partner for the evening. Her car was towed later and they had a nice winter walk home. We laughed a lot about it at brunch the next day with Rachel. Brunch at Key’s was amazing, we had fresh baked bread.

Overall, didn't spend too much time with Charlie, and Alex and Cara slept at our home, but I never saw them. The next day I worked and got a speeding ticket. I'm not sure if I even took any photos. Last night I took my car into Tires Plus. Paige made a wonderful dinner. I went to the YMCA. These things aren't always exciting. Sometimes days are just days. Today was OK. Some good things, some bad things, but overall it was a pretty good day. I'm on my way home now, and I have a lot to do tonight. But one thing I will do is post this.

UPDATE: I didn’t post it.